Day 24 - Doorway

I do not know what goes through this door. It seems too narrow.

It is a little frightening approaching a new, unknown direction in life. For me, it is extremely comfortable being a creature of repetition, and it is painful in my chest when I think about having to change my course. I lull myself into complacency, I easily glaze over the little pebbles in my shoe in favor of the larger, greater picture: I am comfortable. I would wager that this sentiment is inherited from generations of our civilization building ancestors, all adapting and coexisting and learning to be a part of the collective. We choose comfort over the unknown even when the unknown may contain bliss.

When I was younger, I used to tell people that I was always a little sad to have missed the grand explorations; I was born a hundred years too early to explore the deep corners of space and a hundred years too late to name the monsters of the planet. I told myself that being alive in this time and not others was the main contributing factor, weighing my spirit down when I was alone in the quiet of my thoughts. How unfair it was that I longed for discovery and was denied it. How cruel is the irony of curiosity limited by situation. But the more times I heard myself say it I stopped believing it. I think I am not brave enough to have been one of those people, or to have lead them in the future.

But here I am, at the precipice of adventure; not one for the exploration of humanity, but for the discovery of my own self. What could be more righteous? How to better glorify your own humanity than to explore the frightening places of yourself and not turn from the void ahead, but embrace it? It is not my situation that keeps me from being an explorer, it is my own mind.  

I am not bound by the uncontrollable circumstances around me, I am the binding. And maybe I am the one meant to go through this door.