It is beyond surreal to me that this picture is coming up on 16 years old. This is a picture of me (looking exceptionally goofy) and Sarah on my family’s yearly expedition into the aspen trees in the fall. We were both 16 and the entire world was ahead of us, we had no clue about a thing at all (though I am sure we thought we did). We were the best of friends then, and through years and years of marriage, love, incredible joy, hard experiences, having children, actual poverty, religious arguments, family dramas, college, and tears, that baseline of friendship has never wavered. It is the thing I am most grateful for in the entire world: that our friendship is completely intact. I have had great friends throughout the years, but I would rather spend a lazy night eating snacks on the couch with this lady than hang out with them any day. Not even a close decision.

This exact print has lived on the refrigerator in every house I have inhabited since I was 16, not for any other reason than it just made me happy and reminded me that someone enjoyed being around me. We are married now, so her hard work of putting up with my teenage angst eventually paid off.

I guess what makes me the most existential about this picture is that I am that person looking right at myself. That boy who could not even grow facial hair, so oblivious to life. So concerned with myself, obsessively unaware of other’s needs in a way only teenagers can be. I am often sent into spirals of cringe when I think about my past self, and I have to remind myself that those are a sign of growth and betterment.

I think often of what I would tell my younger self if I had the opportunity. Wear your seatbelt you fool; you get multiple tickets for that. Be honest with yourself earlier in life, you waste too much time feeing self-hatred over things that people didn’t really care about in the end. Keep that stupid Bitcoin stash you ended up spending on a pizza promotion, you will be a zillionaire.

But really, it is comforting to me that I am ok despite all of those things. I turned out ok, I think. I guess I would tell him that life is not something to be figured out, so stop trying so hard. And I would tell him to make sure to keep this picture, it is important.